Man! I’ve grown so much this year. Even I am proud of my own growth. I used to be so bothered about little things. I used to care what people thought about me. I was in friendships I had long outgrown. But I remember January this year, I told myself I was going to only do things and be in relationships that genuinely made me happy. As long as I didn’t put anyone in harm’s way.
I walked away from toxic friendships earlier this year. I lived my life freely. I made business decisions that made me scared. Sometimes I’d want to do something with my business but I’d get paralyzed by the fear of what people might think or say e.g. ‘She’s not consistent or focused’. But this year I told myself it’s my business not theirs, and I will keep tweaking and making changes until I arrive at the model I want.
A very important lesson I learned this October though is that you have to be okay with not getting closure. This is the second time I’m having to learn this lesson, but I’ve done way better this time around. You cannot control people’s opinions of you. You cannot control people’s decisions to walk out of your life. All you can do is be a good person and face your front. It hurt. It paralyzed me a little. But I talked myself out of it, and focused instead on the amazing people still left in my life. Something my dad always said rang true though. To not ask for favors so that you don’t end up owing the wrong people. I hardly ever ask for favors. But sometimes they get done anyways… and then you’re somehow still held accountable.
Random ramblings & musings.
My 33rd birthday is exactly a week away. I want to do something fun!